What to Do When Convictions Outmatch Skill 

Homeschooling has had a big year! Citing WORLD Radio’s interview titled “Homeschooling’s pandemic renaissance” with Michael Smith, president of the Home School Legal Defense Association, households homeschooling their children have more than doubled in the last year. The interview clarifies the difference between homeschooling and virtual learning, still holding to the doubled percentage of homeschoolers. To an old homeschool veteran, this increase is astounding.

We graduated our fifth and final entirely homeschooled student five years ago this month —what an incredible, divine adventure! 

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After a twenty-nine-year career of home teaching, my one lingering feeling regarding the entire experience is gratitude. I’m grateful to God for the sustained opportunities, grateful for incredible memories, grateful for His protection and provisions, and I’m grateful for grace —SO much grace.

Defining Success

Preparing to write this post, I launched a mini five-page deep Google search to back up some assertions. And wouldn’t you know that even the multiple colleges I ran across had difficulty defining educational success? So much so, I never did find a conclusive definition that didn’t talk around the subject. I was as genuinely shocked as you may be —I encourage you to launch your own search paying careful attention to the ambiguity in the language and descriptions. [Measure of secondary education success]

I found that educational success is equally subjective across the board —government, private, or homeschooled. For all the postured, high-minded, double standard, double-speak pontificating we encounter in society at large regarding choices in education, it appears the best definition for educational success is self-defined  —all within the perspective of individual collectives. That’s one broad target!

I have to tell you, I labored under self-imposed insecurity and assumptions regarding my success or lack thereof as a home teacher for years. Because for so many reasons, I knew we had made the best choice for our family, but I also knew too well —the imperfections.  

It took decades to allow myself the tiniest glimpse at the freedom and joy attached to success. The missing albeit obvious factor in my thinking was that no school is perfect in the ways I was seeking. And I belittled our most excellent core values because they were ‘just mine.’ [I sure hope none of the rest of you do this to yourselves —it’s uncalled for, and it isn’t right.]

Ultimately, we define homeschooling success as enabling our kids to live fully independent adult lives by giving them the necessary tools to become life-long learners who know, love, and serve God as well as their fellow man. 

Furthermore, our students have developed the personal core character and coursework foundation necessary to pursue their God-given strengths, passions, and dreams. In each case, our kids reached a creditable measure of such success. And we’re thankful to God for it!

Know Your ‘Why’

In my post, An Unexpected Journey, I describe how our family stumbled into home education. Entirely unplanned and, by some estimation, completely unprepared, it didn’t take long after considering our educational options to form deeply rooted convictions. 

Many parental choices are like that. Who puts in the blood, sweat, and tears required of any great work without a core conviction that motivates the keeping on? Knowing your ‘why’ keeps you focused and encouraged.

Own Your Limitations 

Once you know your why’s, it’s time to acknowledge your limitations and own them. Simply, honestly, and completely get it over with —I’m serious. The sooner you own the truth, the better off everybody will be. Trust me!

There was never any doubt that I would need help with our kids’ math education. Thankfully, in California, both of our kids’ mathematician grandfathers were willing to help. Once the kids hit fourth grade (long division) it was imperative that I get out of the way. Thankfully, God provided.

Looking back, I should have sought a variety of help sooner than I did. I allowed fear, immaturity, family circumstances, and depression to do a number on me repeatedly. Mind you, never enough to override or invalidate our convictions; still, I was too afraid and too ashamed to speak up. While these realities were not helpful to my kids or our shared homeschool success, God saw us through.

Become an Education Manager

From the very onset of our homeschooling experience, we established accountability and various group learning opportunities. However, after moving to Indiana, God mind-blowingly provided a uniquely like-minded homeschool group that introduced us to new friends and educational activities. 

Somewhere around junior high, for our youngest son, 3-4 families from the larger group began to meet weekly as a small group in my home. One mother is a practicing nurse; the other was a pending music-teaching major –who has recently, after graduating her five kids from homeschool and seeing them through college –finished her own college degree! 

And there was me. I had my high school diploma and completed one year of pre-nursing college-level courses before becoming a mother, and I never looked back. But I love learning. I love to research and discover new-to-me understanding and genuine wisdom. I love every aspect of mothering and the power of love in relationships and people. I love history and world cultures. And no doubt, I love to share love from my kitchen. 

One day, our small group was together, dividing up the semesters’ coursework, and the nurse friend let out an excited squeal while looking over the biology curriculum. She literally loves science! 

I suddenly realized that my extensive cultural studies efforts (often experienced through national and international foods that I prepared and presented) were a part of a precious barter between me and this motivated, born teacher of natural science —what a remarkable benefit to my son!

The same was true of my other friend, who is as determined and capable as anyone I know and lifesaving-ly skilled with math. She taught my son all six years of junior and senior high-level math! Along with the annual free flow of garden produce and free-range eggs, I fed her and her daughter lunch and snacks most every time we gathered.

Inauthentic authenticity

The generally funny thing about homeschool moms is that we believe we must do it all ourselves, or our homeschool is not authentic. Why is that? We are ok searching out experienced teachers in extracurricular studies like musical instruments, foreign language, swimming lessons, dance, sports of all kinds, even high school debate. Why does help with math or literature or biology tip the scale of authenticity in our minds? 

How much more would our kids benefit from all the best homeschooling can provide by the creative addition of supplemental teaching in areas outside our honest reach? Viewing ourselves as Education Managers rather than our kids’ sole teachers enables us to gather and shamelessly offer a rich and varied education, still within the homeschooling context.

What to do when your personal convictions to homeschool outmatch your educational teaching skill? 

Grammie suggests:

1. Know your state home school regulations and abide by them. [If you disagree with the laws, advocate, vote, and personally invest in getting them changed —or move.]
2. Once your child hits compulsory age, never let a day pass without being a Homeschool Legal Defense Association member. Follow their advice regarding your state and personal circumstances. [Note: I am NOT an affiliate, but I believe they serve homeschooling freedoms well.]
3. Get real about your teaching limitations —hold your head high and responsibly find viable solutions that overcome them. As an Education Manager, ‘stay in the game.’ Creatively hire, barter, or trade for the help you need. 
4. Provide a healthy learning environment that promotes creativity, positive character building, critical thinking, foundational education, community service, challenging hard work, and personal and spiritual growth, seeking genuine Godly wisdom together with your children. 
5. Find a supportive homeschool community and participate alongside your children regularly.

Above all, thank God often for the extraordinary opportunity and freedom to homeschool. 

Regardless of how we came to our homeschooling decision, our distinctive challenges, or how many perfect and imperfect days we learned together in between, it was one crazy fantastic educational lifestyle choice I’ve never, ever regretted making. And after many random individual conversations with our grown kids, all have affirmed —for our family, for our time, for our situation, and all that truly matters in life —homeschooling served them each very well.