Acknowledging God

Week two of 2021, we find ourselves further drowning with trouble here in the United States. Where is God in these outraged, enslaving, bigoted, virus-ridden, politically unsettled times? And what of the tragic divisions in the Church -what has happened, fellow Christians, to our unity in Christ?

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I wonder, honestly, what can I possibly contribute -I have nothing more to share than a treasure of further testimony -of God’s intervention in my own life. It won’t heal our Nation or the rifts that divide, but it may be that these acknowledgments of God will, to some degree, clarify our fitting response.

Epiphany in a Peanut Butter Jar

This afternoon, as I dug deep into the peanut butter jar, making sandwiches for Stache and the grandbabies, I had an epiphany come over me. It was happening again; I could feel it. My very being was retreating into mourning, and the words I love to share here on the blog or face to face with family and friends -were packing up to flee into the depths of silence.

Experiencing this same phenomenon last May, I am still keenly wary of the five silent months that ensued mid-2020 – a significant disappointment for a full-time blogger, to state the least. Counseling with myself and with what I know to be true from the Word, I suddenly recognized a developing pattern across several years. This silencing shut-down thing has repeatedly occurred within me, most often related to intense emotional stress -but especially anger. And where I’ve previously considered this type of occurrence problematic, perhaps it is a kindness from God.

Have you ever struggled with unrestrained anger or outrage? Have you and your family members experienced the terrible unleashing of wrath in the face of some personal disappointment? I am sad to admit I have labored long and hard in my life with these enemies. A merciful gift from God -I recognized the potential struggle within myself as a teen and was able to seek counsel and accountability.

Imperfect Victories

Still, it took many years to understand its perceived power over me -to respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit with genuine repentance when I was in the wrong, and with his help, overcome my disrespectful outbursts of anger with an imperfect victory. To be clear, often righteous, it wasn’t the anger itself that was the problem. It was my unleashing of rage -yelling at my kids when disobedient, ranting at insane drivers, or out in the general public -allowing myself the use of biting, ungracious words when facing injustice or incompetency.

My kids witnessed this process of incremental growth. They watched the Holy Spirit’s conviction slowly but surely change me. They saw the ugly, beautiful physical manifestations of anger rising only to find me in a puddle of tears mourning and praying, clinging to Christ before inappropriate fury leaped out. It took time, but eventually, the process of self-control, releasing myself and my anger to the Lord, shortened to mere seconds, rarely visible.

Intercessory Prayer

I believe those years of anger management training are now shutting me down in the face of the insanity we are experiencing today. When social media and news outlets begin blowing up with their ranting choruses, my spirit has been tucking into mourning and prayer -a practical knee-jerk reaction of sorts, not a conscious decision.

This incredible Spirit work is an amazing encouragement in light of past failures. I can’t help but gratefully ponder the healing work God has done and apply myself seriously to the prayer work God is motivating me to do. He isn’t calling me to resignation; instead, He calls me to trust him -praying for his intervention, healing, and justice -for the Church and this broken world.

My Way | God’s Way

Don’t you love it when an aspect of God’s will for our lives is crystal clear?
My Bible study this week brought these verses in James 1:19-20 (ESV) back to my attention:
‘Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.’

Quick to hear; slow to speak; slow to anger -because our anger does not produce the righteousness of God. Anger can not be rightfully left unrestrained, divisive, managed in whichever way we please. I wonder if we simply don’t realize how offensive our common sins are to God? We defend our actions for ‘righteousness’ sake. Yet we see here, our steamrolling angry passions will not come to a righteous end. I suppose the more telling question is -do we care?

[If you are unfamiliar with my testimony of coming to Christ or my hope, you can find them here.]