How to love your husband? Goodness, there’s a broad question to consider! Are you ready for some serious contemplation? Volumes are written on the subject. Some are beneficial in a practical sense, even enlightening. Still, there is no genuine authority on the subject other than the Bible, God’s infallible Word.

Life is described as meaningless without it, and yet, to live a life defined by Biblical love can virtually cost everything! Highly-held values of today’s culture are glaringly exposed in direct opposition to God’s definition of love. Have you seen this? Given Biblical knowledge of love’s true nature enables us to assess our assumptions and habits with the truth rather than mere sentiment. (See 1 Corinthians 13)

This post contains affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

Preparing for months, not to mention a lifetime of passion spent on the subject, love is the most heavily researched study of my life. Collected here are characteristics paraphrased by the simplest of word studies about living a life of love – with your husband.

Start with Jesus

If we don’t know Jesus, we can’t love as He loves. The romantic notion of ‘true love’ magnetically attracted and consumed me as far back as I can remember. It wasn’t until I genuinely knew Jesus that I began to understand love authentically – and I am still learning. Jesus’ love is radical! If you want to know more about Jesus, I share My Hope in Him here.

Know the Text

The Bible contains numerous references to love but the most concise description is known as the Love Chapter – 1 Corinthians 13. By God’s mercy, I was encouraged to memorize this chapter in my early ‘tween’ years. I highly recommend it!!

Though I have never lived love perfectly, this chapter has no doubt, marked my life, and even saved it. When I pay attention, the Lord uses His Word in my heart to guide my next steps toward loving my husband.

Love Him with Patience, Kindness, and Understanding

Before taking the great leap, do you recall feeling irritated by incessant warnings about love and marriage? Young lovers can hardly bear to listen. Yet God sees fit to mention and instruct about love and suffering together, right from the start.

• To love your husband with patience is to love and persevere through suffering; It is to bear offenses without anger.
• To love your husband with kindness is to have a general intent and action that adds to his happiness.
• To love your husband with understanding is to lend yourself to unity. It is the ability to discern without bitterness or envy.

Love Him with Humility and Refinement

These words may sound repulsively stuffy – like, ‘You said, what?!!’ I hear you. Honestly, they are beautifully descriptive synonyms of translated English words in 1 Corinthians 13.

• Loving with humility is to love free from pride, arrogance, and contempt.
• Loving with refinement is pure. It loves from a heart affected by Christ.

The question then demands expectantly, ‘Is my love for my husband affected by Christ??’ More often than not, my answer is – Lord, help me!

Consider, is the ‘Me’ culture in which we currently live, set in direct opposition for loving authentically? We must always compare counsel with the Bible. What does God say? Whether personal experience or sporting a Ph.D. in the science of sciences, does the advice or opinions we’ve encountered regarding love, agree with Scripture?

Love Him with Selfless Restraint, Forgiveness, and Genuineness

To love is the most selfless act known to humanity. Admittedly, it can be as unnatural as it is beautiful.

• To love selflessly, we literally hinder our own will for the good of our husband.
• To live love is to overlook offenses and be free of anything false. It is sincere in action, character, and speech.

Love Him with Support, Acceptance, and a Confidence of Good Things To Come – Never Quitting

Love is willing to hold up and sustain, to receive what is offered, and confidently pour itself out regardless of the imperfections of it’s beloved. And Christ-like love never quits! Except for the personal experience of this perfect love through Christ, it sounds unimaginable.

Have you ever considered loving your husband as Jesus loves you? No haughtiness, no grudges, no abandonment – a relationship filled with forgiveness and hope? Love’s characteristics are amazing! By merely digging through old, ‘dusty’ dictionaries, and thesauruses, we discover ancient words used to describe love are incredibly tangible. And with Gods’ help, we can live them.

Messy Love

So, what if your love story doesn’t remotely look like the one described above? Dear friend, as long as we have breath, we have hope through Jesus.

I have shared stories of our early relationship in How I Met Stache and The Tale of An Accidental Mother. By Biblical standards, our marriage had tragic beginnings. Still, with blind ignorance about ourselves and the nature of true love, we charged through every caution, making our own way.

Years later, as consequences unraveled within our life, I had a counseling Pastor exhort me that I was dealing with my marriage out of fear rather than genuine love. At the time, I was shocked by his rebuke. It felt harsh and unjust. He obviously didn’t know me – love was my thing, my one lifelong aim!

Faithful Counsel

Eventually, I came to receive his counsel as a faithful prompting of God. The Pastor was correct. With very little dependence on God, I was all kinds of fearful. Filled with anxiety about matters out of my realm of responsibility, fear changed my well-intended love for my husband into behaviors bordering on lunacy.

God forbid, but I wonder if any of you can relate? Despaired and finally broken, I repented. I caught a glimpse of God’s message of love that I had never before understood -though I thought I did. I gave myself and my marriage to God for God’s glory rather than for ‘love’s sake.’ This profoundly changed me.

Refocused Love

The Stache and I are approaching our 38th Wedding Anniversary in early March 2020! Our years together are priceless – the lighthearted and the treacherous. We have both enjoyed the love we have for each other, and we both have suffered the cost of sin.

It is vital to me, as I share further about life and love that I never portray a model of perfection that isn’t true. Last March, I wrote a post along with Stache in celebration of our anniversary called Celebrating Thirty-Seven Years of ‘But God…’ After rereading it this evening, I found that it contains much that is on my heart. I hope you’ll check it out if you haven’t previously.

This lifelong pursuit of learning to love as Jesus loves has been the single most impactful lessons of my life. Incredibly, God has provided growth. My experience has been that God mercifully filled in, where I have repeatedly failed. It has been an extraordinary gift – that I didn’t deserve.

Greater Love

Learning to love my husband (yet imperfectly!) has required me to cling to Jesus like nothing else. And that’s the beauty of it!

The love taught in 1 Corinthians 13 is the love that Jesus personifies. Loving as Jesus loves is not culturally favored. There is little support, even within the church, for loving radically as the Bible describes. Contrary to support, it is more likely to be accused of codependency. But again, what does the Bible say?

There is a boisterous, condescending talk among women of our day. Braggadocious posturing for all sorts of things, but I’ll mention one – ‘Be brave!’ Modern culture encourages women to ‘be brave’ and cut off uncomfortable or unpleasant relationships. ‘Be brave, and do your thing, girl!’ ‘Say what’s on your mind!’ ‘You be you!’ ‘Be brave and put yourself first. You deserve it!’

Bravery Defined

Webster refers to bravery as ‘courageous, bold, daring, and fearless of danger.’ Considering current femme choruses in comparison to the Bible, whose love is braver?

A love that:

• builds self-preserving fortress walls, or suffers long and is still kind?
• Rails with arrogance, or love that is humble and forgives?
• Polishes walkin’ shoes, or a love that endures? *(See Disclaimer)

In the context of love, self-worshipping Siren songs that are so attractive to our tender, wounded hearts are deafening us to the truth. With our quest for purpose, value, and approval; who of us are unaffected? But to love as God loves is the bravest love of all!

Admittedly, this love that God describes through Paul carries with it enormous risk. We live in a fallen world, after all! There are no guarantees. Who of us can live love perfectly as Jesus? And still, even Jesus is denied. What do we value? These are life-impacting choices.

Love is Complicated

Regardless of what may steal our focus, we must compassionately remind each other that our first purpose is to glorify God. This subject is complicated! I don’t presume to promise specific love or marriage relationship results. However, we honor God when we trust Him and his Word. We glorify God when we love bravely. *(See Disclaimer)

Be assured, both love and sweet romance are alive and well here at 7HFarm. However, I have tested some of the treacherously deep waters of genuine love. While clinging to God, I’ve never known the Holy Spirit to be more present, gentle, or kind than through those terrifying storms of life. As exposed and vulnerable as storms feel, entrusting our heart and life to God while taking a leap of obedience to his Word is both the bravest and most loving life a girl can live.

*Disclaimer:

As always, I look forward to discussing this with you further. However, if this discussion opens questions regarding physical safety or legitimate abuse, I urgently encourage you to discuss them with local Law Enforcement or a Certified Biblical Counselor, whichever is best suited to help. Compassionate, professional help is available. You can locate a Counselor near you at https://biblicalcounseling.com/counselors/ or check your local listings for Law Enforcement.