[Random thoughts remembering the last time I saw my mother here on earth. She’s with Jesus now –no more sorrow and no more pain. Originally written October 2014 –edited for GrammieChats July 2021]
I’m doing my day, mentally preparing for a spelling class with my boys, when this thought occurs to me that takes me back to February 2010.
Gifted Memories
February 2010, I washed my mom’s feet.
It was certainly not something anybody would have looked forward to. Because of Mom’s long illness and disease, her feet weren’t beautiful anymore like the lovely feet God gave her.
I was ashamedly grateful at the time that because Mom was in isolation at the hospital, I was required to wear gloves and a paper gown in her room. She would have been incredibly hurt to know I was scared and a bit squeamish about touching her legs and feet. Hospital protocol hid that for me. Thank you, Jesus –for both our sakes! I genuinely didn’t want to hurt or embarrass her.
This particular day, I was mentally preparing to return to my family in Indiana. Mom had mentioned how much she would love her feet scrubbed a week or so earlier when I first arrived in California to see her. I hadn’t mustered the courage to this point, but the time seemed handed to me to jump in and do my best.
Reluctantly, I remember rising from the chair there in the hospital room and going to the sink to fill the pink plastic hospital basin with warm water and soap. I didn’t tell Mom what I was doing –I knew she would enjoy the surprise. Besides that, it gave me time to silently pray.
Gifted Strength
I gathered a washcloth, towels, and lotion and took it all, along with the tenderest smile I could muster, to her bedside. She was so pleased(!) –and I was secretly so grateful for my gloves.
I remember begging God in my spirit for strength to genuinely do a great job. I soaked mom’s right foot there on the hospital bed where she was most comfortable. It went amazingly well.
Mom’s left foot worked better by letting her leg off the side of the bed, soaking her foot there on the floor. That meant I was bent over at the waist, scrubbing her foot. Physically uncomfortable for me but doable and best for mom.
I sincerely made sure each foot and ankle got plenty of soaking and scrubbing time, plus a generous massage only a daughter or sister knows how to do best –complete with lotion and fresh, clean socks. Mom was genuinely blessed, confirming with relief that her feet felt so much better.
The room temperature was over warm for me at 74 degrees. Between the actual heat of the room, the additional ill-fitting hospital garb over my street clothes, and especially my conflicting emotions –I was a sweaty wreck of a girl when I was done.
I remember a combination of conflicting emotions rushing through my mind –happy my mom was delighted, fearful she would sense my reluctant discomfort –all the while thankful I pushed myself through it for her sake.
Soon after I was done, I left the hospital and wept most of the way back to my dad’s house –so frustrated with myself, ashamed, and emotionally exhausted.
Gifted Time
I haven’t thought much about that particular day since it happened. Life has been incredibly never-ending full. My family and I eventually lost our mom to her long illness in May that same year –just three months later on her 67th birthday. (How many people actually die on their birthday?!)
Over the long first months of mourning the loss of Mom’s presence with us, I knew that I had an unexpected gift of time given to me being able to see Mom while she was still well enough to visit. It hadn’t struck me until today in the oddest of moments that God gifted me a specific moment to treasure as long as I live.
I got to wash my Mama’s feet, and she was so happy!!! I couldn’t have known at the time that a reluctantly given gift would one day be returned to me with great joy. God blessed me with one of my greatest life treasures, February 2010. He is the Giver of every good and perfect gift.
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