[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]A long while back, unbeknownst to me at the time, I began earnestly building an unintended “attic.” Attics generally have a good reputation. They provide a great place to store rarely used items, like Christmas decor or large coffee urns, for parties and such.
Really great attics might expand the living space of a small home, creating a bedroom or better yet(!), a Grammie’s Attic lined with bunks for huge Cousin Parties. Wouldn’t that be grand?! I actually have a real attic in my country cottage here, with such dreams of renovation someday. I haven’t so much suggested this to “you know who” just yet, but trust me, the cheerful idea will be presented in due time.
But back to the story at hand, my unintended, mis-happened “attic” didn’t have such a fantastic vision. The attic I was building, distressingly turned out to be, for my Stache. Not exactly ideal as I’m sure you can imagine. What’s worse, the man was already living in the place I had created before I realized I had built it.
My first-word study came at a time of brokenness in our marriage. I frantically searched through Scripture for wisdom and healing. It didn’t take long for me to come across Proverbs 21:9 “It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” That word ‘contentious,’ commonly translated today as one of its synonyms, ‘quarrelsome,’ somehow mocked my best intentions.
I might have had a clue as to what I was building if I had previously known the definition of ‘contentious.’ In God’s mercy, He prepared me for this day of reckoning as I grabbed the dictionary.
To CONTEND, verb intransitive [Latin, to stretch]
1. To strive, or to strive against; to struggle in opposition.
2. To strive; to use earnest efforts to obtain, or to defend and preserve.
3. To dispute earnestly; to strive in debate.
4. To reprove sharply; to chide; to strive to convince and reclaim.
5. To strive in opposition; to punish.
6. To quarrel; to dispute fiercely; to wrangle. The parties contend about trifles.
CONTEND, verb transitive To dispute; to contest.
[excerpt from Webster’s Online 1828 Ed. Dictionary]
“Oh, my goodness,” I thought. “God help me!” The defining words of contention seemed so small, so reasonable. They described such a little offense to my way of thinking. I had imagined a contentious woman quite the monster, perhaps deserving of such a terribly dividing consequence.
But here defines a woman most common. Who doesn’t earnestly defend their case on a matter? Who doesn’t strive to convince their spouses’ opinion when opposed? To avoid being a monster seemed simple enough, but to avoid commonness? Wow! Small hope of that.
I will tell you, there was hope as there always is, -in Christ. No doubt, there are moments when every couple will wrestle through a matter of importance to them, not necessarily defining either one of them as contentious or quarrelsome in nature. If I understand Scripture as a whole on this matter, it’s a matter of deference, don’t you think?
I discovered dangerously late, it is possible without specific intent, to begin contending as a rule against your husband and others, -thus becoming contentious. It is also possible to contend or quarrel about seemingly worthy things. In fact, that’s precisely the type of thing I was contending. However, I was contending as opposed to a respectful appeal. Big difference.
God forewarns in His word. As I discovered from my own marriage, contention and quarrelsomeness are things that must be intentionally guarded against. Through repentance to both God and Stache, God was merciful and restored what I had lost in my contentions. I didn’t deserve God’s mercy. I still don’t know why He gave it.
I am grateful to report, Stache hasn’t taken to ‘The Attic,’ in years. It took me quite a while to learn how to let go and trust God with things I don’t understand. Sometimes it still feels like a gargantuan effort to rest in Christ, but when I do, He gives me peace.
Can I ask about your life? Have you ever found yourself clearly stuck somewhere God warned you against? Beyond your salvation (awesome enough in itself, yes?!), have you experienced God’s mercy in a way that you recognized His rescue? As amazing as I know Him to be, His kindness amazes me still.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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